Advice About Marriage

“Love is blind indeed, marriage is its eye-opener ”. When two lovers enter into agreement to marry each other, after their marriage rites, and wedding, they become one inseparable body. Let me tell you my personal experience. I have also been on the road of bad marriage. I have seen it all. The constant arguing and fighting was very stressful to say the least. I knew that I needed to get help as soon as possible, and anything that I heard had better be the most excellent that I could get, or my marriage was going to fail. Perhaps you think that marriage counseling is only for those who are having very serious trouble in the relationships. The truth is that some go to marriage counseling as sort of preventive maintenance. You can get advice from a professional who has no vested interest in taking one side or the other.

And yet, more than most other things, it’s critically important you know how to look out for signs that your marriage is turning sour. Marriage is potentially the most important decision you can make in life. With almost half the marriages today ending up in divorce, this could well happen to you too. You have to convince your spouse to try out the relationship one more time. Share with him or her about your thoughts and plans to make the marriage. Never try to argue or show out any of your neediness. Make it a stress free discussion.

Asking for a divorce would have been less of a shock to Marcia. At first she felt confused. Why would he want such a relationship? She could see that he was having a hard time explaining his feelings and decided that she would think about it but that she was making no promises. Now, if we make love once a month it’s a miracle and even then, she’s clearly and obviously just “giving it” to me so I’ll shut up and go away. It doesn’t seem to matter what I say or do, my wife just doesn’t seem to have any interest in sex. And, that’s how it’s been for years. That’s not how it was before we married and during the first year, but after that, it’s like her desire for sex just completely disappeared.

If your loved ones agree on your course of action, you may then want to seek the help of two professional therapists. However, therapists have weaknesses and “issues” just like everyone else. If you touch on a subject that is a hot button for the therapist, he or she might react by personalizing your issue and give you unprofessional advice. If you remind them of their ex, they may not be able to remain unbiased or help you at all. Going out and talking about how bad your marriage to people who don’t have a clue is stupid and pretty ridiculous.

One reason you are asking ‘how do you know when to leave a bad marriage’ is that your marriage is in crisis. Separation or divorce seems unavoidable unless something changes quickly. The relationship between you and your spouse may have been getting worse for some time, or it may have taken a turn for the worse suddenly as in the case of adultery or other life changing event. By far the most important advice you can come away with. Marriage problems are between you and your spouse, not your children. Give them reassurance of your love not just by telling them, but by example. Spend time with them and take them to the mall or movies. However don’t make the mistake of lavishing them such as giving them an insane amount of candy or presents. Children will sense something is off about you and this will just make them uncomfortable.

Whether it’s children, work, your boss, your parents, once your priority is no longer your spouse, the alarm bells should be going off. If you want your marriage to work, you’re going to have to make your spouse the key element in your life, your best friend, your confidante, your source. While there’s something to be said for individual interests, the couple that does everything separately will soon start to lead separate lives. Smart couples cultivate common interests. Smarter ones even take an interest in what the other person does.

Another thing that can help increase the happiness in your marriage is, always reassuring your mate that you love him or her. Do not allow a single day to pass without you saying it or acting it. Say “I love you ” to your mate always. Act it by getting him or her a surprise gift and helping him or her at home. Regular body contact is also another way to show love to your mate. However, in order to successfully communicate you have to do it without any form anger or resentment. When you sit down to talk you need to talk to your spouse about the situations that has led your marriage down to this path. You have to listen and give each other a turn to put true feelings on the table.

7. Examine whether or not you are depending too much on your spouse to meet your needs or “make you happy.” No one else can make you happy; it’s an inside job. And no one person can meet all the needs of another. That’s why you need friends, hobbies, and outside activities. Expand your world and see if this takes some of the pressure off of your marriage. If your friends are also facing problems with their marriages, you may consider sharing some of jokes with them. You can also walk away from a bad marriage by taking all your children along with you depending on the gravity of what is on ground, and seek refuge in the residence of your marriage sponsor; while your sponsor approach him for settlement.

5. Try not to judge your spouse or make him or her “wrong” for being so negative. There are many factors that can influence a person’s attitudes: the attitudes they learned from their parents, their experiences growing up, low self-esteem, intense stress, clinical depression, a habit of negative self-talk, life disappointments and discouragement, and lack of hope. Also, you can walk away from a bad marriage by tactically leaving your children behind for your husband to have a full taste of caring for his children for some time depending on the cause of your walking away from your marriage. Constant questions from children that are missing their mother’s love and care might resolve the issue.

Those are not my ideas; they are spiritually enshrined in the Torah (Ezekiel 44:22) and in the New Covenant (Jeremiah 31:31) affirmation called New Testament (1st Timothy Chapter 3.) In fact God was, and is so serious and particular about his agents, priests, that they had to be married first-to one person, and their marriage had to be successful. Their successful leadership in marriage is what enabled them to be selected as spiritual fathers of his flock. Those stipulations have not changed. Experts claim that people often need an excuse to justify their relationship problems and therefore land up blaming an institution such as marriage. But the truth is that scuffles are an intrinsic part of a relationship and happy or unhappy marriages are a reflection of the behavioral patterns of the couple.

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